Beloved, Betrayed, Broken
by Githara
Summary: To most, Commander Shepard is an unconquerable hero of will and talent, to others she's a feared enemy with a deadly conviction and then, there are those who would risk saying she's a lunatic. But Shepard is still human, still a woman, still a lover. What will she do now that she's come back from the dead, how will she deal with a betrayal of the heart? Shepard(F)xKaidan Rated M


_I don't own Mass Effect or any of it's Characters_

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_I've been toying with the idea to write a Mass Effect Fanfic for a while now, it feels like all has been done and to be "original" is a futile ideal.  
So I decided I will write this fanfic, but I'll use it as a bit of a playground for my writing skills, so be warned, this fanfic will probably be written very differently to some of my other pieces, still there is always a tale to be told and hopefully I will do that well :D :D_

We start just after Shepard and Kaidan's fateful reunion at Horizon...

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_**Chapter 1**_

Shepard wished the Cerberus assholes had given her a synthetic heart, a heart that did not feel, a heart that couldn't be ripped into a thousand aching pieces. Shepard wished for her memories to be gone, she wanted to be an empty, emotionless shell that only did what she was told and felt nothing for it.

Another tear rolled down her scarred cheek and stung as it met the raw skin, a silent sob wracked her chest and she fought to keep down the storm of tears on the verge of spilling.

"Kaidan."

His name softly tumbled from her lips to fall silently to the desk, her chest aching with each syllable.  
_You should have expected this, they're all the same, everyone will betray you in the end, you're just a tool and when your usefulness has worked itself out, you will be discarded...as always.  
_"I thought you were different" she whispered to herself before leaning back in her chair, she brought the a cigarette to her lips and lit it, inhaling the poisonous smoke for the first time in many years.

The taste of tobacco was reminiscent of another time in her life, another betrayal, Shepard was transported back to the rough streets of London 12 years earlier.

/

Bullets plummeted down all around her, she was trapped behind a crate reloading her pistol with the last thermal clip in her holster. Her mind raced through the last few hours' events, she looked over her shoulder and saw the bloodied bodies of her friends strewn across the alley. Anger rose like bile up her throat and she could feel a new surge of adrenalin and red sand racing through her body.

_6 bullets, 6 men..._

She knew she only had one chance, it would have to be headshots or she would be in real trouble, but then..._how much trouble could death really be? S_he had nothing to lose and with that final thought, she leapt from behind the crate.  
Her effortless grace would have brought any dancer pangs of jealousy, she glided through the air like a bird taking out two thugs with two shots, as she hit the ground another bullet left the barrel, striking her target in the jugular, blood sprayed from his neck, painting the man next to him red, she heard his dying gurgle before he slumped to the ground.

Bang. Dead. Bang. Dead.

One bullet left and only Olaf was still standing.

"Come now my kitten." his thick, harsh accent purred, not a drop of fear behind his words. "Why are you so angry, it was business, nothing else." Jen could hear the smile on his lips and it infuriated her.  
"Business? You sold us out, KILLED us!"  
"Well you did kill their leader, kitten." the smile was still there.  
"On your orders ASSHOLE!"  
Olaf broke into a gleeful laughter. "Like I said...B-U-S-I-NESS..."

Moments of silence fell.

Jen, preparing herself to take the last shot, did not hear the added footfalls on the other side of the metal container, her cover.  
"You know kitten, I can count...and I know you only have one bullet left...and I'm sure that red sand you love so much is nearly out of your system."

It was the truth, it wasn't looking good for her and she knew it.

With a last deep breath and a desperate scream she left her cover, murder on her mind as she faced the man she once thought her father, she turned, only to see a whole gang of thugs staring back at her, gun barrels glinting in the bright sunlight.  
She didn't hesitate, pulled the trigger, felt the shell leaving the barrel as bullets tore through her own youthful body. The last thing she saw was Olaf staggering backwards, falling, his clearly dead body hitting the ground with a thud. A smile graced her lips then.

/

A loud beep from her terminal brought Shepard back to reality.

"Commander...a message from Admiral Steven Hackett"

"Patch it through to my quarters Kelly, I'll be ready in a minute." Shepard got up from her seat and walked to the basin, splashed some cold water on her tear-streaked face and pulled her uniform straight. As she returned, the picture frame on her desk caught her eye, Kaidan's handsome face staring back at her, she felt the pull of tears again and hurriedly moved to the desk, slamming the frame face down on the hard surface. A thousand painful curses swam in her mind as she turned away, hoping she could sever her emotions as she had done so many times in the past.

/

Admiral Hackett hid his shock when he saw the tired, red-eyed face of Shepard staring back at him. She had the same wild, scared look in her eyes as the day he met her those many years ago, she was a prodigy, picked up on the streets of London after she had taken out more than half of the Tenth Street Reds, including their illustrious leader.

A child soldier, she had been honed to a deadly weapon before she even set foot on a military base. Her natural ability to wield and use a weapon was immeasurable, her speed and agility unattainable, her mind was quick and intelligent, but...she had no purpose, no goal back then and that was exactly what reflected in her eyes at that moment. It scared him, he had seen what Shepard was capable of.

It had taken months to get the eighteen year old off of the red sand, the alcohol and even then she would slip up occasionally. Life on the streets were tough and no-one knew exactly what she had done or been through in those years, while other children played, laughed and learned, Shepard was killing, pillaging and selling.

"It's good to see you Commander." Hackett ventured carefully.  
"Admiral." Shepard nodded curtly.  
"Commander, thank you for giving me your time..." an uncomfortable silence hung in the air for a few seconds. "This is a favour, not an assignment."


End file.
